So, I've not written in a while, although I have had many stories to tell...however, my poor computer has breathed its last, and so my time on a computer is limited. Still, although I don't have time for a very long entry, I thought I might shed some light on some of the IDIOTIC things people say when they get on a plane.It scares me at times; these people drive, vote, and raise children. Enjoy.
"Oh, you mean, the weather is going to affect our departure time?"
- a dead serious man in business class...in the middle of a RAGING thunderstorm. He wanted to know if we would take off in ten or fifteen minutes, and when I explained that the weather would probably delay us quite a bit, that was his ingenious reply.
"Excuse me, do I LOOK like I need carbs?"
- a skinny, blonde, big-boobed chick to my roomate when she was offered a two ounce bag of mini-pretzels during inflight service.
"Can I use my cell phone to call home from up here?"
- a grown man who was being absolutely serious.
"Excuse me, I can't get my wireless to connect."
- a guy who rang his call light to ask me that. When I looked at him incredulously, wondering if he was serious, his wife said, "He likes to try everything, haha!" Wow.
"Um, how do I open the door?"
- idiot who stared at the lavatory door for about thirty seconds, all the while looking at the large PUSH sign on the door right in front of her.
"What gate does Fort Lauderdale go out of?"
- meanwhile, we have not yet departed from the gate in LOS ANGELES...he wants to know what gate he is going out of - six hours later.
"Excuse me, what state are we over right now?"
- Let's see, let me pull out my map. Oh yeah, it's the NORTH F-IN POLE!!
"Um, I didn't get any headphones."
- Um, I just walked through the cabin with them, looked right at you, and got a blank stare (this happens ALL the time).
"Could I get a Jack on the rocks?"
- it's 6:00 am. Wow.
"Is this trash?"
- as they toss their empty cup and napkin into the ICE BUCKET on the cart.
"Ma'am, your purse needs to be underneath the seat in front of you."
"I know, you told me already."
- as she keeps her purse on her lap.
"The flight attendant keeps saying on the annoucements that this is the flight to Boston, but we are going to Orlando!"
- a group of women who got on the wrong plane, sat down, and proceeded to tell me that WE didn't know where we were going.
"Why did we stop?? Why did we stop??"
- frantic woman who rang her call button several times once we reached our cruising altitude above the clouds. Omg.
"Can I get a double scotch on the rocks?"
"Sir, I'm sorry, but you appear to be intoxicated and we reserve the right to refuse alcohol to passengers."
"Okay then, can I get a Bud Light?"
- ugh.
"Is this your normal route?"or "What route are we taking today?"
"What kind of drinks do you have?"
"Coke products."
"Okay then, I'll have a Dr. Pepper."
- that was COKE. Not Pepsi.
"Excuse me, could you get the captain to turn the engine down? I can't hear my friend."
- imagine a 'ba dom shh' with a cymbol at this point.
"I'd like an orange soda.""Ma'am, I'm sorry, but we don't serve that."
"Well, I see an orange Minute Maid can in there," she says, reaching to rummage in my tray.
"Um. That would be orange JUICE. We don't HAVE orange soda."
"Oh."
- yeah, I like to listen to myself lying to passengers. Sheesh.
"Can we just put the cat in the overhead bin for takeoff?"
- another passenger's resolution for a pet carrier that was too big to fit under the seat.
"Ma'am, we don't have champagne on these flights."
"Oh yeah! Because, like, it might explode."
- what?
"I don't see why I have to be responsible for this door."
- a woman in the exit row...she was moved from her seat, lol.
"Do you have to stand up the entire flight?"
- a kid from a group of highschoolers.
"Do you have a menu?"
"Excuse me, is the flight from Atlanta to LA only an hour and a half?"
- the time change is a THREE HOUR difference. This idiot thought it took an hour to fly across the country.
"Are we going to have those big blue things (the engines) right next the window for the whole flight?"
A friend of mine was on a flight up the East coast and they passed over the Atlantic ocean at one point. A customer rang her button and asked what body of water it was. The flight attendant decided to play a trick and answered,"The Red Sea." The woman elbowed her husband and says, "See! I told you!"
- WOW.
"Do you have any Dr. Pepper?"
"No, I'm sorry."
"Well, do you have any Diet Dr. Pepper?"
"You didn't tell me this creamer was pressurized!!"
- a customer who complained when the "pressurized" creamer spilled on him.
"Do I have to listen to this loud noise for the ENTIRE flight?"
"Do you get off in Baltimore?"
"No, we get off in Maryland."
"Can I use my cell phone?"
"No."
"Well, then, can I use yours?"
- a passenger, 40,000 feet in the air, to my friend
"Why aren't we higher?? Those mountaintops are awfully close!"
- the mountaintops were the clouds.
Whenever we have unaccompainied minors aboard, we are required to brief them. One conversation went as follows.
"Do you know how to fasten your seatbelt?"
"Yes."
"Well, can you show me?"
"Lady, look, it says 'lift' right on it!"
An old man was traveling by himself. He called the flight attendant back to tell her this lovely message: "I have to go to the bathroom, and it might be messy...I don't think my Depends will hold it, so you might need to get another seat cushion in Atlanta."
"Do they have one for women?"
- a MAN who was about the use the lavatory. ?
"Why are you doing this to me?!"
- imagine a woman with a heavy NY accent saying this - we were delayed because of a storm and she rang her button to ask me this.
These aren't exactly quotes, but other stupid stories that people have told me...
There was a plane change on a through flight from Boston to Orlando - this means that people had to take all of their luggage, deplane, and get on another plane at another gate.The flight attendants explained to people over and over again what to do, but questions were still being asked. As the plane landed and everyone else got off the plane, a group of people were left. They asked the flight attendant, "Can we leave our bags on the plane?"
At this point, the attendant said, "YES! If you want your bags to end up in California!"
Another woman told me a story of a man who literally had the tray table down, and was clipping his TOENAILS...and sweeping them into the floor.
People also take off their shoes and socks and put their bare feet on the wall in front of them.
Another woman used her bare foot and toes to lower the tray table in the next seat when the flight attendant brought her a drink.
There once was a time when it was very hot and the plane would not be cooled down until the aircraft would reach cruising altitude above 10,000 feet, so if a customer would not be able to deal with the heat, they should deplane at that time.
The plane finally reached its cruising altitude and was slowing starting to cool down. A woman called the flight attendant back to her row with a question.
"Excuse me, but I'm still hot - are we allowed to roll our windows down now?"
Still concerning windows, a passenger asked if he could have a window seat because he wanted to roll it down so he could get some better shots with his camera.
An older woman asked her husband for a phone number as we were doing service at her row. We were 40,000 feet up, when I looked over to see her looking at her phone, puzzled, and telling her husband it wouldn't go through.
"Ma'am, first of all, your phone is supposed to remain off during the flight, and second of all, you won't be able to get any service this high in the air."
Ah, people never cease to amaze me. Stay tuned for even more ludacris comments coming your way...
